Cold Tea and Hot Tears
by Wolfie-Dragon
Summary: When Ochako and the other work studies students are back at the dorms after the Shie Hasaikai raid, things are supposed to go back to normal. But Ochako finds she can't forget the horrible events. It's only in the dark of night that she finds that Deku is just as traumatized, if not more.


Ochako couldn't sleep.

She didn't think she had ever been so tired in her entire life, but still sleep wouldn't come. The dorms were too quiet. In the silence her head kept replaying the horrible events of today. The ringing sound in her ears from when her life force was drained by that huge thug. Snapping bones of policemen and heroes. Toga's voice, disguised as Deku's, telling her they needed to help.

The horrible sounds Sir Nighteye's body made when they tried to move him. The massive piece of concrete piercing his stomach… Ochako didn't know how he had still been alive. But he had been, and he had said all those horrible things, those horrible predictions on how Deku would die…

She muffled a sob, hugging her knees tighter. Other sounds echoed through her mind. Overhaul smashing and remaking concrete and stone. Deku, screaming and fighting as always. As the brave hero she knew he was. And then, when Overhaul had been brought down somehow and she had floated Sir Nighteye to the surface, that horrible scream. Deku had cried like he was being torn apart, but she didn't understand why. The little girl they were there to save was on top of him, that tiny horn on her head glowing like molten gold. Deku had kept screaming, and then Eri started screaming too. Until… Until it suddenly stopped, and she realized Mr. Aizawa was there, propped up by Asui. He had made it stop, whatever _it _was.

After that it was all blaring sirens and shouting doctors as the ambulances arrived. She had seen Deku up and running again not long after, but she hadn't had a chance to talk to him amidst helping Sir Nighteye and Mr. Aizawa. Not to mention her own injuries. It wasn't until they were in the ambulance and Ryukyu asked if she was okay that she noticed all the bruises she had, and how sick she felt from using her quirk so much. It hadn't seemed important.

After all that noise and chaos and pushing herself to help more wounded, it was like her body couldn't slow down and rest now.

Suddenly she couldn't take it anymore, and she threw off her blankets. Maybe she needed to stretch her legs a bit. Have another cup of tea. Yeah, that would calm her down.

Ochako opened her bedroom door as quietly as she could, and walked into the dark hallway. No light came from under any of the doors. She tiptoed down the stairs, using her quirk to float over the set of creaky steps on the third floor. Strangely the light in the common room was already on. Maybe it hadn't been turned off the previous evening? Kaminari often forgot to turn off the lights. Feeling confident she was alone, Ochako walked past the couch towards the kitchen.

"Ururaka! Are you up too? I hope I didn't wake you!" a voice said from the couch, and she almost screamed in surprise. She whipped around, already prepared to use martial arts on an intruder when she recognized Deku's messy green hair and wide eyes.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you! Are you okay?" he said, jumping up, with that dang smile on his face that he always had when he wanted to be reassuring and heroic. Like All-Might. But different from All-Might's shining smile, Deku's was more awkward and down-to-Earth.

It made her feel all sorts of funny. The kind of funny she promised herself she'd ignore until they were heroes.

"I'm okay. It's just that I didn't expect anyone here. I was just coming down for some tea," she said quickly, hoping he'd think she was blushing because of the fright.

"Oh, okay. I think Momo left some hot water in the kettle. Should be heated up quickly," Deku awkwardly said, sitting down again and grabbing something from the table. One of the notebooks he used to make notes on heroes. Ochako grasped at the opportunity to not have to face him for a moment. One little nod, and then she walked to the kitchen to turn the kettle on.

It took a few more deep breaths before she felt ready to face Deku again. Before walking back out she glanced at herself in the reflection of the microwave. She hoped he wouldn't think less of her for her silly pink pajamas. Then again, he wore All-Might pajamas, so it wasn't like he had a better sense of sleepwear fashion.

Then the day's events flashed through her head again, and she had to suppress a giggle. After all that had happened, so many people hurt and even killed, and she was worrying about _pajamas_? What was wrong with her? She forced herself to stop that train of thought, and determinedly walked out again, to face her best friend sitting on the couch. He was staring at the notebook with a pencil in his hand, muttering softly.

"Couldn't sleep either?" she asked, just loud enough to be heard over his mumbling. Now it was his turn to jump a little. He dropped the pencil and made a mad dash for it, dropping the notebook in the process. Now she could see the page he was looking at.

It was titled "Sir Nighteye" in Deku's blocky handwriting. Normally she found his handwriting cute for some ridiculous reason, but now the letters jumped at her throat, making her unable to breathe.

The page was blank other than the name and a short description of his quirk.

"Yeah, I just felt like I had to write about all the quirks I've seen today, you know? It's important to learn from your experiences. That's what… " his voice drifted off. For a moment he glanced at the notebook, before looking away again. Ochako slowly sat down next to him and closed the book.

She wanted to reach out, to grab his face and rub his shoulders and tell him everything would be alright, even though she didn't feel like anything could ever be right again. But he didn't need that. He needed to focus on becoming a hero, the greatest hero the world would ever know.

But even so, she couldn't do nothing, so she settled for placing a hand on his shoulder, letting him know she was there. He took a deep breath, like he was trying to suppress tears.

"That's what Sir Nighteye said. That's what he taught Mirio. What he tried to teach me. But I didn't understand. Not in time," he slowly said, refusing to look at her. Her heart caught in her throat, and the image of Sir Nighteye with that horrible piece of debris in his chest flashed through her mind.

"Deku, I'm… I'm so sorry about Sir Nighteye. I didn't really know him, but he seemed… kind and capable, and a great hero. I wish I could have done more to help," she said, squeezing his shoulder gently. He produced a choked snort.

"I didn't know him well either. Mirio did. He knew a whole side of him I never saw. Apparently he loved to laugh. I never made him laugh. Not until…" his voice drifted off again. Ochako didn't quite understand what he was talking about, but she knew he needed to let this out.

"How is Mirio? I heard he had to stay at the hospital, but Mr. Aizawa wouldn't tell me why," she asked.

"He… He lost his quirk. Remember the briefing? The theory that the Hasaikai were making quirk-destroying drugs? They… They succeeded. They hit Mirio with a bullet like that, and he lost his permeation. And it's not coming back by itself like it did for Suneater," Deku slowly said, almost without emotion, even though she could sense he was almost bursting with feelings.

"And he's still smiling! He… He lost more than anyone, and he's still smiling. And he fought Overhaul for so long, all alone, while protecting Eri. Even after he lost his quirk he kept fighting and fighting to protect her. He… He's the real hero. I wouldn't be able to do that. If I lost my quirk I'd be nothing… How can I even call myself a hero!" he spat out.

"No, it's not like that! You've pushed yourself to the limit just as much as Mirio. Remember the attack on the summer training camp? You fought to protect that little boy… Koda? You protected him until you could barely walk. And then you still kept going to protect Bakugo and everyone else!" Ochako said, shaking her head wildly.

"And you know what? Even if it was true, even if Mirio was somehow a 'better hero' than you, so what? I know everyone likes to consider it a competition, that we all have to be Number One, but you still do so much good no matter what your stupid rank is! Why does it matter whether Mirio is stronger? You never cared this much when it was Todoroki or even Bakugo being stronger than you," she asked when he didn't respond. Even though his face was turned away from her, she could see him pale a bit.

"I… I… It's not… It's different with Mirio, and with Sir Nighteye. I can't explain why," Deku stuttered, and once again Ochako felt like there was something he wasn't telling her. Like he had a big secret. Something explaining why Bakugo had thought he was quirkless, why All-Might was so close to him, why he had had so little control over his quirk at the entrance exam. Ochako had suspected for as long as she had known him, but she couldn't figure out what it was exactly. The fact that apparently Mirio and Sir Nighteye were involved only made it harder to figure out.

But before she could figure out how to ask, the tense silence was interrupted by the beep of the kettle. She jumped a bit, her hand falling off his shoulder, and the moment was gone. He grabbed the notebook from the floor where it had fallen and turned it to a blank page, making it clear the conversation was done. She sighed, before standing up and going back to the kitchen.

She really needed that tea now.

Her hands shook a little as she poured the hot water, but she managed not to spill any. The hot cup warming her fingers and the camomile scent in her nose slowly calmed her down.

After a moment of thought, she poured a cup for Deku as well. When she returned to the couch, he seemed to have calmed down too, writing in his notebook again.

"Here, I made you some too," she said as she sat down next to him again and put the cup on the table. He mumbled a thanks, but otherwise stayed focused on his writing. It was actually nice to see a glimpse of that nerdy superpower-fanboy Deku again. "Who are you writing on now?" she asked, leaning over so she could see.

The page was titled Shin Nemoto, and much of it was covered by a crude drawing of a man in a plague mask and black robes. One of the Hasaikai henchmen. Ochako remembered the name from the briefing, but couldn't quite recall what his power had been, or whether they had encountered him.

"His quirk was Confession. He could make people answer any question he asks them," Deku explained in his typical enthusiastic tone, but then his smile dropped.

"He… He was there near the end. Mirio fought him, I think. Chisaki… he…" Deku had to take a deep breath before he could continue. "He disassembled him. Chisaki killed his closest advisor, his… they must have been _friends_. All so he could become that monster that you saw. I… I doubt he was a good guy, but still. Nobody deserves that. And I just can't stop thinking about it. I keep seeing it. His body _disappearing _into Chisaki," he spat, his tone some mix between sadness and anger.

"That's horrible. Chisaki is a horrible man. But we put a stop to it. _You _put a stop to it. And I think it's so good of you to feel this way, even about an enemy. Of course you don't want to see people die. Even if that person is a Yakuza thug. That's what I… _admire _about you," she said, almost using a different word there. Thankfully he was too distracted to notice her hesitation. "And I keep thinking about it too. About all the pain and injuries of today. That's okay," she continued, putting her arms around his shoulders again.

"But it distracted me. It's still distracting me. I should be doing analysis, using these experiences to become stronger and better. But instead all I'm doing is feeling bad for some… thug," he shouted angrily, but Ochako could hear so much pain in that fury.

"Deku… You know you're allowed to cry, right?" Ochako said, holding him a little tighter.

"But Sir Nighteye, and Mirio, they told me to smile. All-Might too. And they're the greatest heroes I know. Heroes don't cry, they smile," he said, even as a tear flowed down his cheek. Her heart broke at the anguish in his voice.

"Let me tell you about the greatest hero _I_ know," Ochako said. "He used to cry a lot when he started at U.A. And before that too, I think. He cried at all kinds of things. He cried when he formed a team in the sports festival. He cried when he got his provisional hero license. But above all, he cried when he couldn't save someone. When despite all his efforts, someone is missing or hurt. He cried when others wouldn't. Sometimes, it seemed like he cried _for _others, taking their pain and processing it like it was his. And so he made it okay for others to cry too."

She couldn't see his face very well, but he seemed confused underneath his pain. Apparently he hadn't figured out who she was talking about yet.

"But let me tell you, even despite all those tears that boy fought harder than anyone to help people. I think it's actually _because _of those tears that he fights. Even after he fought the hardest battle of his life, and after the girl he was protecting was hurting him with her quirk to the point where he almost passed out… Do you know what that hero did? What I saw him do with my own eyes?" Deku jerked in her arms, and she knew he understood she was talking about him.

"He cradled her. He caught her head as she collapsed, even while he was collapsing himself. That hero, the greatest hero I know, was still focused on protecting a girl who had almost killed him. Even while he was in more pain than I can imagine," she stated. Deku softly shook his head, like he didn't believe it.

"And do you know why I think that hero did that? I think it's because he cared so much about her, because he felt so awful at not saving her before, that he _cried _over it." More tears fell from Deku's cheeks.

"You knew about that?" he choked out.

Iida told me. About that day in the cafeteria. And I noticed it at other times myself. You're not very subtle," she said, poking him. He cracked a smile for a split-second, but then his face contorted again into a grimace, and the tears finally started falling for real. Hers followed quickly.

No words passed between them for a long time. They just sat, hugging each other as tears soaked the necks of their pajamas and their tea went cold.

Ochako knew that in the morning they'd have to go back to their regular lives at U.A., where they'd have to pretend being a hero was fun and fulfilling, and not the deadly hellscape it often turned out to be. But for now they had a few hours where they could let themselves go and be the kids they really were.

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**Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you liked it!**


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